I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
