It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
