I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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