I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
