i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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