Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My liver just broke up with me...
it hurts more in the daytime
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
