I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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