The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
