We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
