Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
