ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
