9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
