also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
