Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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