She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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