I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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