He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
