so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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