She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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