Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
