he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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