You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
