peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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