Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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