shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
