you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
