you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
