hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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