is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
