man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
