Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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