i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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