if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
