After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Girls should come with a carfax report
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
