If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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