you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
