a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
