There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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