in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
