i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
