Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
