Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
