u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He did a backflip because drugs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
