theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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