Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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