I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
