Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
