Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
