Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
