So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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